OU Texas Jokes

This is a brief selection of some of our favorite OU Texas Jokes

Jokes about Texas

My two favorite teams are Oklahoma and whoever plays Texas!


Q:How do you get an UT graduate off your porch?
A:Pay him for the pizza


Q:What does an UT graduate say to an OU grad?
A:Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?


Q:How do you keep an UT student busy for a month?

A:Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.


An UT grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says "honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate." The UT grad then replied " honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them."


Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?".........."240," she says. "Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"......."145," he replies. "Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?........"43," the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Longhorns?"


An UT grad was swirling from left to right on the road in his car. He was doing this for five minutes. Finally a cop pulls over and asks him, "Sir, why are you swirling from left to right?" The UT grad replies, "Well officer I was driving along when I saw a tree. I had to move left until I saw another tree. Practically everywhere I went, I saw a tree and I had to keep turning." Then the cop said, "Sir, that's your air freshener."


A first grade teacher in Austin, Tx, explains to her class that she is a Longhorn fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Longhorn fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl...
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, " Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Longhorn fan " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked "Well, if you are not a Longhorn fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Sooner fan," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, WHY are you a Sooner fan?"
"Because my Mom is a Sooner fan, my Dad is a Sooner fan, so I am a Sooner fan also."
"Well" said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Sooner fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your Mom was a snotty arrogant jackass and your Dad was a snotty arrogant jackass, what would you be then?"
"Then" Janie smiled,"We'd be Longhorn fans."


Q: What does the average UT student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.


Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Texas weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.


Austin News Report: Football practice in Austin was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Mack Brown, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.


Q: How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a sophomore course.


Q: How many Texas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.


Q: Did you hear about the University of Texas fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.


A Texas Longhorns fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."


Q: Why don't Texas Longhorns fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.


Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Austin?

A: Norman: 187 Miles


Did you hear about the Longhorn fan who was so upset that the Sooners beat Texas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?


Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Texas fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Jokes about OU

It was reported that Oklahoma head football coach Bob Stoops will only be dressing twenty players for the Texas game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.


One foggy night, a Texas fan and an Oklahoma fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Austin. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Oklahoma fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Longhorn fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Oklahoma fan walks over to the Longhorn fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Longhorn fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Longhorn fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Sooner fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Sooner fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Sooner fan hands it back to the Longhorn fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Longhorn fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."


 

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oklahoma, a Texas grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.

As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.

Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"

Seeing this, the Texas grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Longhorns!" and pushed the Sooners fan off the side of the mountain.


Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Oklahoma campus?

A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Oklahoma campus?

A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Sooners cheerleaders back on board


Two University of Oklahoma fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first Oklahoma fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."

The first Oklahoma fan asks, "Why not?"

The second Oklahoma fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."


Q: Did you hear about the University of Oklahoma fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn't get his family out.


General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.

The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish."

The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war."

The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish."

"Well," the General responds, "then can you have Oklahoma win a bowl game this year?"

The genie thinks for a moment, then says, "Let me see that map again."


Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oklahoma's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.


Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Oklahoma library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.


Q: Why do University of Oklahoma fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

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